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vague grumpiness

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Okay so i should definitely focus on all the happy things about my life, of which there are many. I’m excited to finally be starting graduate studies, and I’ve learned so much about sailing, and have an awesome group of new friends.

But in terms of venting:

My friend today, who doesn’t quite get why I put all this effort in every day, asked me “what would you do if you woke up and were a guy for the day”?

i mean for one thing, it’s all a sort of experiment. It’s interesting to pay attention to the different body postures by gender. I still find it really hard to convince myself to sit with my legs spread open. so, it’s an interesting and challenging goal to have people assume I’m a guy (to pass, if I were transgender) even just on first impression.

On the other hand… I guess maybe it just makes me grumpy to try to explain,

that there’s no particular thing I want to do as a guy — I just want to live my life.

that sometimes —

I don’t want people to assume that I can’t raise a main halyard, and by default assign these tasks to men (how am I supposed to know my limits? how am I supposed to practice my skills or build my muscles if I don’t even try? how am I supposed to learn the techniques needed to raise and drop a halyard fast, while expending minimal energy?) if they’re also on crew. Sure, there are physical differences between men and women, that make it easier for men to gain muscles given the same amount of time and effort. But raising a main is not. that. hard. (and if it is, maybe you’re doing something wrong…).

I mean, women singlehand all the time. I’m pretty sure some 16 year old girl sailed across the world by herself recently.

A big shoutout to Team SCA, an all women’s team in the Volvo Ocean Race, for kind of being my heroes inasmuch as that they show that women can compete in extreme bluewater sailing races.

I don’t want to have people, when I ask them what the duties of a mastman (in racing) are, to tell me a physical description (needs to be tall, and strong, aka a guy). And I have to repeat my question with emphasis on *duties* in order for him to answer my question.

That I don’t have to laugh and put up with this, in order to gain opportunities to sail and learn to sail.

that he takes for granted, what I have to struggle hard and put lots of effort and still fall short in — having people assume I’m a guy.

And I have it relatively easy, I imagine it’s harder for guys to cosplay as women, than for women to cosplay as guys.